


The Battle Deployment

by MJSiban



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Military, Multi, mercenary au, mercenary!AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-02-15 03:46:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13022568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MJSiban/pseuds/MJSiban
Summary: Mercenary ficlet.Based on gusari's doujin,chapter 1: alright | sugawarachapter 2: payback | daichi





	1. alright | suga

You opened your eyes to see the blue sky above your head. It was clear, a few clouds moving slowly, as if they had no hurry. You didn’t remember your name, nor what you were doing there, lying in the ground. You paid attention to the sounds and images around you, and you felt your breath hitch at what you discovered.

Gunshots, moans, the sound of something heavy hitting the ground, screams, more gunshots.

A few droplets of blood splashing on your clothes.

You weren’t sure where you were, but it was dangerous. People was dying. Carefully, you looked from the corner of your eye, making sure not to move a muscle. Only to realize that, surrounding you, was a rather big amount of corpses. Were you shot, too? Was that the reason why you didn’t remember anything?

A few minutes passed, and the fire finally ceased. You heard people talking in a language unknown to you. Then steps. And, in the end, the sound of an engine and wheels, going away. When you thought it was safe enough to move, you sat, and took a minute to look at the scenario displaying in front of you.

Twenty, maybe thirty dead bodies around you. You took your time to carefully look some of their faces, and cringed at the sight. They were so young… close to your age. Just then, upon seeing their lifeless expressions, a memory came back. It wasn’t a name, it wasn’t a face, it was a _sensation_. It was like a black hole originating in your chest. You were worrying about something, but what was that?

_Him._

_Go find him._

Your feet acted on their own. You had no idea who _he_ was, but your body was forcing you to look for him. You walked through the cadavers, trying not to pay close attention. Their empty visages were making you nauseous.

Your eyes flew open when you felt a hand gripping on your leg. You looked down, terrorized, but your gaze softened when you saw the boy who was grabbing your limb. The brunette had short hair and candid eyes. They were full of concern, but also relief. He seemed familiar, but you couldn’t bring yourself to remember him.

“[N-Name]... you’re alright…” He mumbled, a scarlet trail coming out from his mouth, running down his jaw. You assumed the name he called was yours. “He must be looking for you… he’ll be happy to see y―”

His voice died, his head fell as well as his hand. You knew perfectly well that there was nothing to be done for him. But the thoughts of this young man got replaced with more alarming ones.

_He_ was somewhere, probably in danger. Risking up his life in order to find you.

_Run._

You ran. Nothing mattered, not the familiar faces around you, nor the sound of gunshots echoing again in wind. He was important, he had to be alright. You were on the verge of tears, but you weren’t sure why. You couldn’t scream for him, you didn’t know how he was like ―you couldn’t recognize him.

“Please…”

Reaching a side-street, you looked around frantically searching something, footprints, bloodstains, anything.

“[Name]?” A gentle voice called your name from a building. Moving your [h/c] tresses from your eyes, the only thing you could distinguish was a silver shining, before the figure disappeared.

“[Name].” He repeated, now in front of you. And just then you had a minute to examine him.

Silver hair shining under the sunshine. Hazel eyes that observed your with adoration and love, eyes that made you feel warm inside for some unknown reason. A cute mole under his left eye. Soft-looking lips, pink, but a bit chapped. He was beautiful.

“I’m so happy you’re fine!” He hugged you tightly, and even though you didn’t even remembered his name, you responded it. It was helping you calm down.

“Don’t worry, we’re going back soon.” His gloved hand caressed the skin of your cheek, and you felt a wave of relief washing over your body. You sighed, savouring the peaceful moment.

When a noise made your senses alerted.

Your eyes revised every inch of the street, the buildings’ doors and windows.

“Hey, _love._ ” His sweet voice distracted you. And that nickname made click something inside.

You remembered.

“Don't worry, everything’s gonna be alrig―”

“Suga―!”

That unmistakable metallic taste invaded your taste buds, the warm feeling of the liquid wetting your clothes made you blink once. The pain making you want to throw up. You touched your body, but there were no injuries there. Just when you looked up you saw the life of those hazel orbs extinguishing, a small smile softening his features, and the crimson stain on his clothes. You didn’t hear where it came from, you couldn’t save him, in the end. You felt empty, like made of pure void, like you weren’t actually someone. Like you didn’t exist. You fell down on your knees, and started crying. Those bitter tears soaked your face, as you screamed his name only to be heard by nobody.

_“Suga!”_

“[Name].”

_Who's...?_

“[Name]!”

“Wake up, love!”

You opened your eyes and saw the same beautiful male right beside you.

“Are you ok, dear? You were having another nightmare.” He said, his voice full of concern, as he caressed your cheek with his thumb. “You were even crying, it must have been really sad.”

You sighed and smiled sourly. That was what is was, just a dream, a really, really bad dream. You took his hand and lead it to your lips, kissing it softly. Sugawara let out a husky laugh and proceeded to plant a chaste kiss on your sweaty forehead.

“Don’t overthink things, ok?” He asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I won’t.” You lied. Was it a lie, really? What you wanted to do the most was to forget.

“Ready for today’s mission? We have to do our best!” The silver haired boy leaned in to kiss your neck, making you laugh at the contact.

“I’m always ready.”

“Hey, [Name].” He called seriously as he looked up to you, dead in the eye.

You didn’t respond, but your expression was enough to demonstrate him had he had your full attention.

“Don’t worry about today, ok?” Another kiss, but this one lasted longer, and it was more passionate, his warm lips not wanting to leave yours. “Everything’s gonna be alright.”

You nodded, but remained silent.

When he talked like that, you could only believe him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the brunette in the dream was daichi. poor baby


	2. payback | daichi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is written in third person POV.

On countries like these, one day you’re animatedly having dinner with your family, and another you’re locked up on a dirty room, with no windows nor light that can remind you how your body looked like.  
[Name] had spent enough time in that obscure confinement to forget how the wind felt like when it caressed her skin, or the pleasure of fresh grass tickling her toes.

She barely ate. It wasn’t her choice not to eat, in the beginning; her captors gave her little food, and that when they decided to feed her. It was random, sometimes the metallic door would open to reveal a tiny bit of stale bread, others, it wouldn’t open at all in days. She was, however, provided with a decent quantity of water, in order to keep her alive.

She wasn’t alone, she knew. _They_ captured a lot of females and kept them prisoners. Every day or night ―because she couldn’t say what time of day it was― mortified screams and loud sobs were heard from adjacent rooms. Some days was her turn. But they were so lazy that they couldn’t keep up with her, with her constant struggling. Even after hitting her hard she would keep on fighting, and they hated that. In retrospective, that was maybe the reason why they barely feed her.

[Last] didn’t know exactly who _they_ were. Apparently, it was a group of terrorists that wanted to take over the government and, in some of their missions, captured hostages. Not to threaten the president ―because these women had been tortured physically and emotionally, so much that they wouldn’t mind dying―, but because they wanted to inflict pure terror; and because it was fun, so much fun to have rag dolls to humiliate in every form possible.

The girl had so much time to think. She thought about everything, every subject that once populated her mind was included. But after some time, she realized she had thought about all the things that were possible to think about. She even analyzed this endless loop, various times. And that was the only thing that kept the young woman alive. Not the rotten food, not the filthy water they provided her, but the power of her own mind.

She was interested on the thread of her family, and after what seemed days ―because she couldn’t know for sure how much time passed― she came to the most logical conclusion: her mother had probably been raped numerous times before being assassinated, because she had already fifty-two years, too old to be a target. Her father was most likely forced to learn how to use a rifle and had been sent to the firelines to die. It was possible for her other relatives, like aunts and uncles to be alive. However, she never maintained much trait with them, so she couldn’t feel genuinely happy for their safety. It was sad, really. Enjoying a family dinner like any other day and suddenly being attacked by strangers. She cried for a while, after being locked down, but then understood it was useless; the weight on her shoulders and the hole on her chest wouldn’t disappear.

Someday, [Name] thought, she would escape. No one would come to save her, it was stupid to think that; but she hoped that one day she could exit that dirty room and run to freedom.  
She never got to try, though.

A loud sound woke her up that time. It would happen sometimes, girls were hit with heavy objects on a daily basis; but that time it seemed an explosion, and she wondered if they were practising with bombs or guns. As the noise got closer, she distinguished a shriek of agony, before a deadly silence. A chill ran down her spine and she tried to think a reasonable explanation to the event. But it was impossible; the same sequence repeated itself, at least, three more times. A female screaming, a sharp sound, and then silence; until another door was opened.

 _They_ were killing hostages.

The [h/c] haired started to panic. She tried to hide, but the room was too small and hadn’t anything in where she could camouflage herself. [Last] grimaced when the door opened and felt her body going limp: she was going to die. With tears on her eyes, she paid attention to the background noise: more gunshots and yells in a language she couldn’t understand. Without even closing behind him, the man approached her and placed the metal against her cheek. She read once that Death’s kiss was ice cold, but it wasn’t like that. It was hot, just like the barrel of the pistol burning her skin. She waited for it to steal her life. She awaited, closed her eyes in pain, and it burned; more and more.

But it just burnt.

Before he could pull the trigger he received a mortal shot to the chest. His corpse fell in front of her, lifeless, making a thud sound when it hit the ground. The girl looked up, [e/c] orbs still not used to the blinding.

A hand was reached out to her. And without much hesitation, she took it.

It was stupid to think that someone would come to save her, but when it happened she felt even more stupid for never considering it.

 

That hand guided her on her way outside the building as the stranger talked to someone via radio. It was weird, she could actually understand what he was saying. However, her mind was still processing the fact that she was actually free, so she didn’t pay much attention to his words, although she should. [Name] recognized the sky above her, it was cloudy and that helped her eyes to get used to the outside. A lot of corpses were lying on the floor around them, and the culprits chatted with each other still holding their guns. She started shivering, doubting if these people were actually trustworthy.

“Suga, we will keep sending the prisoners. Take care of them, okay?”

[Last] gazed on his direction and was only able to catch a glimpse of his frame. Short and spiked brown hair; round, almond eyes; and a reassuring smile that almost obliged her to go back in, just to follow him. A hand touched her shoulder and through her dirty [h/c] bangs she was able to see the aforementioned’s calming smile.

“Don’t worry, you’re safe now.” His soothing voice managed to make her relax her body. “Come with me, I’ll get you something to cover yourself, ok?”

Albeit hesitating at first, the girl decided to follow. It wasn’t like she had many options left. And also, she desired to see her savior again, and thank him properly. The male mentioned as Suga gave her a blanket and indicated her where to sit.

Other girls started getting out, and she noticed they were in the same state as her, if not worse. The man around them behaved normally and barely glanced at them, as if it was something normal to see. [Name] heard how the silver haired started talking with the other girls as well, who seemed more talkative than her. She counted, seventeen girls all around her age. Her savior and the guy with gentle eyes exchanged a few words she didn’t managed to understand before the second one started asking for some personal information to the former captives. Such things as name, age and town of residence. Some of them even lived on her own village. When he got to her, she looked away.

“Would you mind telling me your full name?” He asked, his voice soft and gentle. Yet [Last] couldn’t bring herself to say anything. “At least your family name? It’s just something to leave a record, we won’t divulge this information.”

SIlence.

He sighed and raised an eyebrow. He wasn’t mad, he understood she was on a state of shock after all, so he decided to end the interrogatory then and there. He called out his brunet comrade and informed him of the situation. Another man, visibly attractive, indicated the females to get into a pair of humvees, part of his face covered by his hair. Of course, [Name] did as told, but she couldn’t stop staring at the one that, she knew now, was the captain.

_Daichi._

The vehicle started yet she couldn’t cease thinking about him. She wanted to thank him, to let him know how grateful she was…

They visited various places, calling out the female's names and letting them free with their families again. Finally, they got to the place she used to live, and it wasn’t a surprise to see a bunch of people gathered around the convoy. With a stern gaze and a gentle, yet firm voice, Suga began to say the names of the girls out loud, witnessing how destroyed families recovered hope, and their daughters and sisters. After all of them were out, he directed his eyes at her. Honey met [e/c] for the first time, and he cautiously approached her.

“Hey… this is our last stop. You need to get down here.” His hand patted her back, and she grimaced. “I’m sorry but we can’t take you with us.”

 

[Name] didn't look up. She couldn't leave nor she wanted to. The girl felt his gaze fixed on the back of head, yet it was impossible for her to bring herself to meet his eyes. 

“Suga. What’s taking so long, come on.” A melodious, manly voice made her look up. There he was, waiting for her outside. With her chest on fire, the female stood up, almost hitting the boy with her head. As soon as her feet touched the ground she bowed and kneeled, ready to beg.

“W-what…”

“Please! Allow me to go with you!” Her forehead was touching the ground, and the captain could only look at her in surprise. She heard Suga from inside the vehicle gasp, muttering something like ‘she talks!’.

“I’m sorry...” Daichi began after clearing his throat and regaining composure. “We don’t take hostages.”

“I…” Her voice faltered for a second. “It doesn’t have to be as a hostage! Please, I’m begging you!”

By now, all the members of the squad were watching her show of public humiliation, as well as some of the villagers. The male scratched his nape and sighed.

“We can’t just let anyone join the deployment.” He explained. “Please understand―”

“I don’t have anywhere to go!” This time, [Name]’s voice cracked. The sudden scream after so much time of silence making her voice hoarse and her throat ache. “I’ll do anything.” She looked up, eyes burning, every fiber on her body telling her to accompany him. “Please.”

The man was taken aback for a second upon seeing the fiery spark of [e/c]. He noticed just in that moment who she was: the girl he saved first. She had been the luckiest, since he had entered just before she got shot. He pursed his lips and grimaced.

“What can you do?”

“...eh?” Her furrowed brows relaxed.

“Is there something you can do?” He repeated with a severe tone. “I can’t let you come if you are useless.” The clueless expression on her face demonstrated him how confused the female was. “Do you know anything about computers, or guns? Do you know how to manipulate an engine? Can you draw an accurate map after visiting a place just once? Do you know anything about medicine―?”

“I do!” She interrupted. “I have knowledge on nursing!” Her jaw clenched in anticipation, waiting for an answer.

The brunet looked hesitant, but looked at the firmament and finally exhaled through his nose.

“Get on the humvee. Everyone. We’re going.”

She heard a few groans of displeasure, complaints, and many sounds of surprise. However, the only thing she can focus on was on his broad back, that got away from her with every step he took. [Last] couldn’t believe it. Her mouth hung slightly open, and her hands trembled with excitement and disbelief. She made it.

She was given not only an opportunity, but also a reason to live.

_A brand new life._

“You should get up.” A soft voice distracted her and she looked at the boy a mole that was now beside her. What was his name again? “I’m Sugawara Koushi, by the way.” He helped her stand up, and before she could spot him again, she realized he was already on one of the vehicles.

“Let’s go.” Sugawara helped her to get in the transport again. She just hummed and took a seat across him.

She tried to forget everything before the moment when he appeared in her life, suppress all of her previous memories. 

She did quite a good job.

 

They didn’t need much time to get to their destination, however, the girl couldn’t resist anymore and fell asleep, not minding the constant movement of the humvee. A delicate touch on her arm woke her up, and she opened her eyes right away upon feeling the contact. Suga was wearing a candid smile, and she felt relieved once again. It was like a special ability he had. After muttering a soft “we’re here” he proceeded to get out of the vehicle, leaving her inside in order for her to take her time.

Was it really ok to do this? Her knowledge of medicine wasn’t that vast, and joining a group of mercenaries wouldn’t sound logic to anyone sane. But [Name] remembered the person that saved her, that risked his life for her, that gave her a second chance. Fisting her hands, she grimaced and did the same as the other male.

It was a huge depot. The girl looked around, astonished at how big it was. She was called by the silver haired, who was a few steps away. She nodded, and followed him. Even though he seemed trustworthy, she hadn’t even spoke one word to him, she noticed. The female furrowed her brows in realization and decided to change that later.

“This is Shimizu.” They abruptly stopped, making her bump onto his back. He seemed not to care, as he spoke normally. “She’ll be helping you to get used to everything here.”

Said girl waved with a tiny smile, and [Name] hid her eyes under her dirty strands of hair.

“It’s good to finally meet you.” He voice was soft, and girly. “ If you’d like to come with me, I could take you somewhere you could change your clothes and clean your body.”

It sounded tempting, she had to admit. Leaving the only one that gained her trust behind, she began walking alongside the bespectacled woman. Neither of them said a word, [Last] was focused on how narrow the hallway was and how many doors there were. They stopped on one that was slightly darker than the other, and she looked at Shimizu, puzzled.

“Want to take a bath?”

It took her a few minutes to remove her clothes. It almost seemed as if it were part of her body, like a second skin. The female wondered how much time she spent locked yet again. It was weird, maybe because she had been seen in much worse situations, maybe because she didn’t care anymore, but [Name] wasn’t embarrassed of the blue-haired female seeing her bare. The water was a little hot, but it had been awhile since she had made contact with warm water. It felt incredibly nice, and a content sigh left her lips.

“Does it feel good?” She heard Shimizu ask, and she nodded. “My name is KIyoko Shimizu, by the way.”

Once again silence between them. It was like the older one was waiting for her to introduce as well, but she didn’t. Kiyoko sighed and grabbed a sponge without tearing her eyes from the figure of the female on the bathtub.

“Do you want to do it for yourself?” She asked, raising it. [Last] looked away, and she chuckled. “I’ll do it, ok?”

The girl hummed in agreement.

Feeling the sponge on her body was heavenly. It had been a long time since [Last] felt that good. She let out happy sighs as Shimizu tried to wipe out all the dirt on her skin. The same happened with her hair, the older’s fingertips massaged her scalp eagerly. She felt like a child with her mother or older sister… she sulked a little upon thinking about her mom, but brushed it off.

“How long has it been?” The blue-eyed asked while rinsing the other’s hair. Once again, silence was her answer. Not that she minded, she understood the situation the girl was in.

After they were done with the bath, Kiyoko gave her spare clothes to wear until she had some of her own. A black sleeveless shirt and sweatpants. Sugawara also left a pair of training boots for [Name] to wear, although the size was a bit bigger than hers. However, the gesture made her smile.

When fully dressed, the bespectacled woman began to brush her new companion’s hair, being as careless as she could. They remained silent, Kiyoko not wanting to bother and the [h/c] haired not desiring to talk at all. It escaped from her lips, though, since was in constant contact with the strands.

“You have such pretty and long hair…” It was only a whisper, and if she could have seen the younger’s face she would have seen a faint blush.

Delicate hands caressed her locks and [Name] lost herself into the touch. She closed her eyes and sighed contently. It almost seemed like a lie, or a bad dream. Horrible flashes that crossed her mind as lightnings, memories of frightening noises, she had left everything behind just a couple of hours ago. She opened her eyes and fixed them on a certain spot on the wall.

“[Fullname].”

She felt the other girl suddenly stopping her ministrations, but instantly resuming them.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, [Last].” Her voice was sweet, and [Name] didn’t regret talking.

“...what’s the date today?” Suddenly feeling interested, the female inquired.

“I think… it’s the sixth of May.”

Her breath was caught on her throat. She froze.

She remembered talking with her mother about her father’s birthday, about the present, about the people they were going to invite over. That special day was on January 20.

She had been held captive for about three months.

The female felt a sudden urge to throw up, nausea invading her. She could have died so many times, she was at the border of death, and yet she survived, somehow. Her vision turned black, and she closed her mind to all negativity. Erase. Replace. She was alive. And more important, she had him. That was why she begged to come in the first place.

“[Last]-chan, are you ok? You’re trembling. Are you cold?” Concern was evident on her tone, and the other girl felt happy to be by her side at a moment like this.

“Three months have passed.” Was her answer.

And after a few seconds she felt Shimizu’s arms enveloping her. 

 

After she was completely clean, Kiyoko offered to show her the installations, as well as her new work environment: the infirmary. They walked for a bit, exchanging not many words, but it was everything but unpleasant. A few males saluted the older girl and looked at [Name] oddly, not recognizing her. Her new friend, however, told her it was better for them to find out themselves. Rumours spread fast on the base, she noted.

“Here we are. Our infirmary is equipped with everything you’ll need. Soldiers usually come here after missions, or even during training, because they are kind of savages.” Shimizu joked, making the [h/c] snort. “Your partner should be… here.” She slid one of the curtains, showing a boy with short hair reading a book. His eyelids were lidded, and he didn’t looked too interested in the two females.

“He’s Kunimi Akira. He’ll be helping you with everything you need and will be your guide here.”

He raised his hand and waved, muttering a soft “it’s my pleasure”. After the short introduction, the girl excused herself and prepared to leave the room. Although she stopped on her tracks on the doorstep.

“You know [Last]… we have a huge library here, if you’re interested about reading something. Just go straight and turn your left on the intersection. You’ll find it.” She looked back and a spark of blue met [e/c]. After that she finally left, leaving the other confused.

“[Last]? I don’t remember hearing that name before. Are you new?” Kunimi spoke for the first time, startling her. “Hm… look, you can roam around for a few minutes until I finish this chapter, ok? After that I’ll give you indications and whatnot.” He said after she nodded. “I wasn’t notified about this, but if KIyoko-san brought you I can’t say anything.”

He resumed reading, and just like that [Name] started the inspection of the white room. 

There were four stretchers separated by sets of white curtains. Every cubicle had it own set of medical equipment, machines she hadn’t seen in her whole life. It was notable that those weren’t new, but they were preserved on a great condition. It was obvious that the male took care of them. She took a long look at the huge cabinet full with boxes. The girl recognized some of the drugs, usually used to calm the pain, but there were some with weird names and different colors that confused her. A big medicine chest was resting on a table, and upon approaching it she found nails and threads, gauze, alcohol, and various other conventional tools, like disinfectant. Her eyes glimmered, at least she knew how to use everything on that first-aid kit almost perfectly.

The girl heard a sigh coming from behind her, and looked back. The jet-haired closed the book and placed it on a chair before getting up. He walked on her direction and pointed at the cabinet.

“Pay attention, please. Every pill you’ll ever need is here. We have from common anti-inflammatories like ibuprofen to the strongest painkillers. We also have sublingual medicine, if the patient is unable to take a pill.” Kunimi explained everything taking his time, signaling each drug as he spoke, as she nodded.

“We always have these surgical tools close, in case someone has a serious injury that needs to be treated urgently.” He showed her the silver platter and various elements, even though she didn’t know half of them. “And well, there’s also the machines, but you should already know how they work… right?” She nodded enthusiastically, making him raise a brow. “That’s good.  
“Oh, we didn’t quite introduce ourselves, right? Kunimi Akira, from KItagawa Daichi’s army. Pleased to meet you…?” He extended his hand and she looked at it, puzzled.

“[L-Last]... [Name].” She mumbled, shaking his hand and making his lips curve.

“We’re going to be partners from now on, let’s get along, yes?” She nodded as an answer, and he sighed contently, noticing she was silent type, just the way he liked people. “I’m going to stay here reading, in case you want to roam some more.”

Shifting her gaze from him to the door, the female didn’t respond, and started fidgeting with her fingers. Kunimi sat on the same chair as before and grabbed the book. As he opened it and looked for the correct paragraph he added:

“If there’s an emergency I’ll call you. Just go.”

[Last] looked pleased with this, and after letting out a hum she exited the room, leaving the male alone.

 

The [e/c] eyed recalled the words KIyoko said, and turned left on the first intersection, holding back her curiosity about what kind of place waited for her if she continued. The majority of the doors were closed, but there was one open. The girl reassured her she would definitely find the library, so [Name] headed to that door. Even after picking inside the room she was unable to believe it. Could a simple military headquarter have so many books? A step after another, she looked around and wondered if she could even count the number of book there were. Determined to get information, she started to look for certain titles.

Kunimi said everything as if it was obvious, so matter-of-factly; Shimizu had obviously noticed about her precarious knowledge. She couldn’t let anyone else know, he couldn’t even suspect. If Daichi were to notice something like that… she shook her head, there were a time to think about it, but it wasn’t now. Hurriedly running her eyes over the shelves, she looked for every piece related to medicine that could help her. Not terminal diseases or mortal parasites, but surgical procedures and correct treatments. The female took three thick books, thick and heavy, and walked with fast pace to one of the couches on the reading room. Taking a long sigh, she opened it, and began with the first paragraph.

One hour passed, then two, then three. [Name] had to stop numerous times, the first one to get a dictionary from one of the shelves, and the next hundred because she didn’t know the meaning of some words. It wasn’t tiring, however, given the fact that she wanted to impress the captain. She managed to advance two chapters of the big book, and her eyes began feeling tired. Maybe resting a little wouldn’t be bad―

“Oh, here you are.” A friendly voice startled her. Closing the book rapidly she looked up and recognized Suga, who was approaching her with a smile. “We’ve been looking for you, SHimizu said you could be here.”

The female tried to be natural as she covered the book with her torso, impeding the boy see the cover. He giggled, so she guessed she wasn’t doing a good job hiding it.

“We’re going to have dinner now; the cafeteria is open until 10 pm. Take your time and keep reading for a while, but don’t forget to eat, alright?”

His tone was so soft and genuine that she couldn’t help but responding.

“Alright…”

A surprised expression appeared on his face, but immediately after his hazel eyes glimmered in what seemed to be joy. Sugawara excused himself and left the library, leaving her alone with her textbooks. [Last] knew she had to take care of herself, but going to the cafeteria implied to see new people, seeing new people implied talking to them, and she seriously didn’t wanted to do that. Suga and Kiyoko were more than enough.

She opened the book again and resumed reading about the different measurement of injuries and the correct treatment in every case.

 

Now, how was she supposed to find the cafeteria? After marking a page on the middle of the third chapter, the woman decided to go eat something. It had been so long since the last time, she thought. The [h/c] haired remembered the horrendous taste of bread and grimaced, hoping she could find better food there ―she was sure anything would be better. 

It was only when a delicious smell reached her nostrils that she realized she was close. However, the corridors were enough for her to get lost, and the girl found herself hesitating about which way to go.

“Oh. My. God. Iwa-chan!” A pair of males bumped against her, and the tallest began talking. “This must be the girl! Hey, hey, is it true that you begged Sawamura to stay? So cute!”

“Oi, Oikawa! You’re scaring her.” The second one seemed to read her expression of discomfort and stopped his colleague.

“I’m not scaring her! Am I scaring you?” She furrowed her brows, unable to respond. “Eeeeehhh, but I just wanted to talk with you for a bit and see why you’re so especial. After all, Sawamura never admits recruits so easily...” He let out a sly smirk, and she couldn’t help but think about his words. Carefully. Very.

“Sorry to interrupt you, lady.” The one mentioned as Iwa-chan raised his voice, and grabbed the other’s shoulder rather harshly. “We’re going, have a good night and enjoy your meal.”

Those two kept walking and [Name] wondered how fast did rumours spread on a giant base like that. After a brief moment of solitude she came to process the information unwillingly given by the more polite young man. How did he know she was going to have dinner? Probably because she was going on the right direction! The corners of her lips tugged upwards ever so slightly and she continued her way.

It was easy to find, once you were on the correct hallway. It had a double door completely open a lot of noise came from inside. [Last] peeked in, ashamed, and was surprised upon seeing so many people, even when it was pretty late. She looked for at least one familiar face, and sighed heavily upon finding one. Now she only had to be noticed by Shimizu and only Shimizu, not the flood of guys around her. Chewing her lip, the rookie began to think of many complicated ways of catching her attention. That until a high-pitched voice broke her train of thoughts. When she found the source, she was terrified upon realizing the culprit was openly pointing at her.

“It’s you!”

Countless eyes focused on her and she was sure she paled, nervous. Giving a step back, the girl was ready to escape and considering feeding on whatever she found around the base, but when the bespectacled female approached her hurriedly she decided to wait.

Kiyoko seemed glad to see her, and received her with a smile.

With a hand resting on her shoulder, the older guided her to a table full of people, one of them being the… kid? that recognized her.

“Boys, I’d like to introduce you to the new member of the deployment. Her name’s [Last] [Name], not ‘the girl who convinced Daichi’ or ‘the mute nurse’, understood?” Her tone seemed severe, but [Name] paid more attention to the couple of nicknames she already had, even when she had only gotten to the base a few hours ago.

The female introduced the rest of the soldiers, the loud one with hair on fire was called Hinata; a stoic one with eyes cold as ice was Kageyama, there was also a giant with a gentle smile that reminded her of Suga, he was Asahi; and finally a duo consisting on a bald guy with a fiery expression and a short guy with flaming eyes and a blonde strand of hair: they were Tanaka and Nishinoya, although she wasn’t sure who was who.

They appeared to be nice, as they did their best to initiate a conversation with her. Obviously, she didn’t felt confident enough to talk around them, so the majority had to reluctantly accept a sheepish smile as a response.

It seriously had been a long time since the last time she had eaten real food. It was fried fish with mashed potatoes, but for [Last] tasted like heaven. The delicious flavor of potatoes was so foreign yet familiar to her, and the fried fish was delightful. She took her sweet time to eat, yet the males around her didn’t seem to mind ―at least most of them, since the buy called Kageyama happened to be on a hurry―, and accompanied her through dinner.

It wasn’t until she spotted _him_ that she actually talked.

“...Daichi.”

None of them had noticed the latter’s presence until she mentioned, however, hearing her voice for the first time utterly excited them.

“Uwaaa, she talked Kageyama!”

“I know, dumbass, Kiyoko-san said she wasn’t mute.”

“She must have superpowers concerning Daichi-san, huh Ryu?

“I agree, Noya-san!”

She heard the voices surrounding her but she didn’t understand a single word from what they were saying. She was too focused on his image, his lips moving as he talked with some soldier she saw earlier when he saved her. A step forward, then another one, her feet were moving on their own. [Name] had to talk to him, she needed to exchange, at least, a couple of words. She was about to give another step when a hand grabbed her firmly from her shoulder. Looking back, ice-blue eyes observed her behind the crystal.

“I don’t think you should do that now, [Last].”

Said female furrowed her brows and looked at Sawamura again. She hadn’t noticed the scowl on his face and the line in which his lips were pursed. He was clearly discussing something serious with the dark haired boy.

However, she thought, maybe a mere glance was enough. He only had to look her way. She’d find a way to catch his attention, but he had to fix his hazel orbs on anything that wasn’t the man in front of him. [E/c] almost burning, [Last] looked directly at him, waiting for the captain to shift his gaze. As soon as he finished, though, he sighed and proceeded to left the dining room, a worried expression still present on his face.

“It’s ok, you know,” Shimizu whispered on her eye. “Sawamura lives here as well, you’ll talk to him later.”  
She knew that, she was perfectly aware, but still. With a disappointed expression, the [h/c] haired looked back.

“I’m kinda hungry…”

At her words, three of the four boys there invited her to eat with them and offered food from their own plates. Kiyoko, noticing the girl was a bit overwhelmed at the sudden attention, decided to guide her so she could pick her own food and eat in peace, promising that they would have dinner together.

“I have someone I want you to meet. She came earlier today, though. She’s on the middle of an intelligence project, I hope you can meet her tomorrow.”

_Tomorrow…_

It felt so weird to know that she was actually staying with them for an indeterminate amount of time.  
After some minutes [Name] was able to memorize the four male’s names and introduced properly with all of them. She especially liked HInata, who seemed eager to know her but seemed to understand that she needed space and some time to do so. This was totally unseen by the other two who kept asking questions about her and, sometimes, about Daichi. The fourth one, Kageyama Tobio, remained silent, only glancing at her occasionally and looking away in embarrassment when their eyes met.

Dinner was delicious, warm, and it made her feel alive again. Eating around many people was amazing, and just when finished [Last] noticed that many eyes were fixed on her. She remembered what Shimizu said, everyone knew her as “the girl who convinced Daichi”. Was it really impossible to do? All she did was beg, beg and yell and smash her forehead into the ground. And in the end, he accepted. It was humiliating, but it worked at least, and she got what she desired, to be able to be by his side…

...but she hadn’t talked to him yet.

The [e/c] eyed followed the azure haired female like a lost puppy, unsure of what to do.

“I’m taking you to your room now. Since you don’t have your own clothes yet I’ll give you some of mine.” She explained as she walked with the younger behind her. “Oh, and… about the books…” After stopping abruptly, Kiyoko looked back with a smile and giggled upon seeing the other’s confused expression. “Sugawara told me you were reading. You can take those to your room and keep reading, if you want.”

She giggled again when [Name]’s face lit up in joy.

It was weird, to have a bed, and covers, and actual clothes. Shimizu checked everything before finally leaving her alone, claiming that she’d have to wake up early in the morning.

“Good night.” Both of them said, and the door was closed.

Slowly, as if everything were a fiction about to crumble, the girl sat on the bed. It was cold, but it would warm up with her temperature. When she was finally laying down she realized what was she doing there: working. It was a work, she couldn’t live at the expense of everyone’s kindness, she had to earn everything.

The blanket was warm, and before falling asleep she recalled the information of the two chapters she managed to read, over and over again. However, not a single thing about medicine appeared on her dreams. It was actually Daichi, on the cafeteria, talking with his comrade as she observed from afar. On her dreams, he did glance at her, their eyes did meet; and he smiled at her.

 

She woke up when someone knocked the door ― _hard._

“Ooooook, time to wake up mates.”

He was yelling, and she looked at the clock on the nightstand. It read 5:40 A.M. With a grunt, the female sat up and grabbed the same clothes she used the afternoon before. She preferred to sleep with only her undergarments because of comfort, but it had been actually a good idea since KIyoko hadn’t lent her anymore shirts. [Name] stood up and finished getting changed, she went to the bathroom, having some issues with the limited space, and realized her hair was a mess. She frowned at the reflection of the [h/c] bush and used a rubber band to tie it up on a ponytail, in hopes it would look less dishevelled. She didn’t had a brush just yet. The girl washed her face and tidied up. She opened the door and stepped inside the room.

A boy was looking at her, dumbfounded, his hand hanging in the air forming a fist, about to knock again.

“Oh…” A devilish grin appeared on his face as his golden eyes lit up. “I remember you.”

She remembered him as well. He was the soldier guiding the prisoner to the convoys when they were rescued. Of course he would recall how she humiliated herself in order to convince the captain of letting her go with them _―him_. He was also the one talking with Daichi the night before, she would recognize that hair anywhere.

The [e/c] eyed didn’t respond, just closed the door behind her.

“You were assigned to the infirmary, right? You know how to get there?” She shook her head and his smile widened. It was making her nervous. “Follow this hallway until the second intersection and turn left, then you’ll find the library’s doors open, when you do, turn right. You’ve been there before, right? You’ll know when you’re there.”

The indications were as precise as the other ones she had received. There wasn’t much to say on a labyrinthic place whose numerous doors looked almost the same. After a nod she began to walk, not glancing at him even once.

It wasn’t that hard to get there, and upon entering, she found the boy with dark hair on the same spot as before. He was reading the same book, but it was noticeable that he had advanced with it.

“Ah, [Last]-san. You’re kinda late.” He said, that monotonous tone appearing again.

“S-sorry…” The female mumbled, looking away. This made Kunimi’s lips curve upwards.

“It’s the first thing I’ve heard you say besides your name.” He noted, marking the page and closing the book. “Don’t mind, it’s hard to get used to the regimen at first, but you’ll manage to do it with some time. Today’s Friday right? Prepare some stuff, we’ll have hurt morons soon.” He said, and approached the cabinet to take a bottle of alcohol and some bandages, leaving them prepared beside one of the stretchers.

[Last] gasped when four soldiers entered the room by midday. Two of them had nose bleeds, one had dislocated his elbow and the last one had a cut underneath his eye. The girl looked at his partner and he just shrugged, accommodating the arm of the young male in one simple and fast motion. In the meanwhile she assisted the other three, and recognized two of them right away.

“You told me you were ready, dumbass!”

“But you didn’t have to shoot from such small distance! I could’ve lost my eye!”

“You’re exaggerating.”

The [h/c] haired rolled her eyes as she gestured the third guy to stay still so the hemorrhage could stop. She prepared the cream she would apply after the bleeding stopped and focused on the other two.  
They kept yelling at each other even though she was right in front of them.

“You two.” Her voice didn’t demonstrate amusement at all, and the soldiers shut up and looked at her. “Quiet.”

A pink dust appeared on both their cheeks, and she sighed in relief, noticing they were finally quiet. At first, she treated the tallest one. Kageyama seem to have a small cut on the inside of his nose, maybe produced by a hard impact on his nasal septum. The young woman repeated what she did before and forced him to look up at the same time she stuck a tiny bit of cotton on the right hole. Just then she focused her attention on HInata, who seemed less nervous than his partner. He stood still most of the time, demonstrating to be quite obedient. The cut was a bit higher than his cheekbone and, by the little bit of conversation she got to hear, it was because something fast hit him on the face. After disinfecting the injure with some alcohol she proceeded to apply a bandage to the damaged skin. It was going to get purple by night.

“Come before dinner, I’ll change it.” She mumbled, earning a nod from him. [Name] was still amazed at how the smaller one was able to stay still when she was applying alcohol. He only hissed at the ardor, yet he didn’t even flinch.

“You two, take the cotton out, I’ll use some cream to heal the skin in the case the cut is there.”

Kageyama and the other boy did as told, the first one pursing his lips on a line at the closeness of the female. When they were done, she dismissed them.

“Thank you for everything, [Last]-san!” Shoyo exclaimed cheerfully before leaving the room.  
Akira had finished with his patient a while ago and remained silent looking at her and how she acted with the injured. He was wearing a tiny, tough pleased smile.

“I’m gonna let you get Kageyama every time. It was relaxing to see someone else treating him.” [E/c] orbs pierced on him, looking for an answer she hadn’t got yet. He shook his head and rested an arm on the table beside him. “Fridays and Tuesdays are spare practice’s days. Since some are really brute and can’t control their limits, they end up with injuries. I was surprised to see Yahaba with a dislocated arm though.”

[Name] began understanding that the world she was now in was seriously structured, they had specific days for each kind of training, and she could imagine they also dedicated a precise amount of time for all kind of exercises. SHe was glad she ended up as a nurse instead of a soldier. She could’ve died. Figuratively.

“And about Hi―”

“Shrimpy and Kageyama were probably practising with rubber knives.” He guessed. “I can imagine Kageyama helping HInata to improve his reflexed and he just… he has a good aim, I don’t think Shrimpy was fast enough.”

And yet, it didn’t sound so bad. The girl gazed at the book Kunimi was reading and grimaced, she could’ve been reading as well…

“I have to get something…” She began excusing herself.

“Hurry. If someone comes and you’re not here, we’ll in trouble.”

Akira seemed as a good guy. He didn’t ask too much questions and he accepted her silent demeanor. She was comfortable around him and thanked he, of all people, got to be her partner at the infirmary. Before leaving she looked back with a smile plastered on her face.

“What’s gonna happen tomorrow?” She inquired.

“Hmm… it’s physical training mostly.”

The look on his face told her that Saturdays were usually quiet.

The day passed with two dislocated thumbs ―Akira taught her how to accommodate it by her own―, another nosebleed and numerous cuts on lips and hands. Nothing was extremely serious, but it was good for the soldiers to get appropriate treatment. During their free times, the dark haired male continued his with his mystery story while [Name] advanced with the medical manual. It was weird, she didn’t felt like the boy would judge her if he noticed what she was reading. Sometimes, even, she was too lazy to look into the dictionary and asked him the meaning of some words. He always answered immediately, without even looking at her. The silence between them felt nice.

After some hours she was already on the fourth chapter and noticed that her partner was close to finishing; she was slightly jealous of his reading speed. It was only when a fast spark of orange appeared in front of her that she noticed what time it was.

HInata’s breath was laboured, and his forehead and neck were covered on a thin layer of sweat. He took a seat in front of the girl without saying a single word, lifting his face up and closing his eyes.  
[Last] blinked a few times and remembered.

“Is it that late…?” She mumbled and looked at the clock. It was, indeed. A long sigh escaped her throat.  
“Sorry to bother, [Last]-san,” The soldier said, peeking one eye open as she looked for new bandages to apply. “But I’m gonna take a shower now, and I like to take my time, so…”

“It’s alright, don’t worry.” She reassured while peeling off the dirty gauze. “I’ll apply cream and you’ll put the muslin after being completely clean, yes?”

He nodded.

The bruise was starting to get purple, and she grimaced. It suddenly made him look tougher, despite his cute face. A flying thought of Daichi on the same situation made her purse her lips, did he even get injured? _She hoped not._

“There it is.” She finished cleaning the dry blood. “Clean your face very well, you hear me? It could infect because of the sweat and dirt.” As she cleaned a black spot on her neck, the [h/c] haired talked almost motherly, making the male blush a little.

He thanked her and was ready to leave, but before he could do that he froze on the doorstep. His back was facing her, and she looked incredulous at his motionless form.

“It’s nice to see that you’re talking more.”

And he fled.

Her eyes were wide open. How was she supposed to stay silent if her job was to treat people? That was dumb, and yet, she couldn’t help but feel a bit happy. People on the deployment were nice, didn’t push her ―well, at least most of them―, and treated her as if she were one of them. It was incredibly comfortable. A masculine voice broke her train of thoughts.

“It’s funny how it seems that I’m not here at all.”

She snorted, and Kunimi let out a husky laugh.

“It’s almost time for dinner, you wanna go take a shower as well? We’re done for today.” He sentenced and she nodded.

[Last] was definitely going to get used to this. 

 

As the days passed, the surname [Last] had begun to be known on the base, and some soldiers even pretended to be hurt only to see her face to face. ‘The girl who convinced Daichi’ and ‘the mute nurse’ were forgotten, and some even started to call her by her given name. Everyone treated her kindly, and fastly accepted her addition to the deployment.

She finally began talking more to Suga, who seemed excited for this fact and enjoyed every conversation with the female; her friendship with Shimizu only kept growing, and with the help of one of the Intelligence team’s members, Yachi HItoka, [Name] also started to open herself more around people.  
She witnessed training, sometimes with the excuse of a better and faster treatment, she payed attention at everyone’s movements and found their development completely interesting. The girl recovered her personality and gradually left all the painful memories behind. However…

It didn’t mattered the day nor the time, she was never able to talk to Daichi; neither he looked on her direction.

It was as if she didn’t existed for him.

“And then I went gwaaah, and killed Kageyama.” The short boy finished rambling about something she wasn’t paying attention at. It was rude indeed, but she couldn’t tear her eyes off from his broad back.  
“What happened then?” She repeated the same line at least thrice, it always worked.

“Well… nothing. Kenma and I won.” He answered, and noticed her lost gaze. “Oiii, [Name]-san, were you even listening?.”

Said female blinked a few times, amazed that the previous phrase didn’t work.

“Oh, yeah, I… no. Not at all.” She admitted, looking down in shame and making HInata pout.

“I shouldn’t forgive you! You never pay attention whenever Daichi-san is close.” He crossed his arms on his chest and she rolled her eyes.

“It’s not like that, come on, don’t be offended.”

“You should talk to him, maybe?” He abruptly changed the subject, something usual for him.

“It’s never a good time… He’s either busy or in a bad mood and I just… I don’t wanna be nuisance…” She trailed off and the soldier noticed the sad glint in her eyes.

Suddenly, an idea popped up on his mind, and he inhaled sharply.

“Daich―!” A hand grabbed his mouth violently and janked his face to the side. An [e/c] knife stabbed him on the gut and he paled from seeing the girl with such a murderous expression.

“If you wanted to die, there are easier and painless ways.” She whispered into his ear, making him shiver.

Luckily, the captain didn’t hear his subordinate and walked away from the dining room, upon seeing this, [Last] let out a heavy sigh and freed the younger male, who was still white as a sheet. He looked confused, but decided not to say anything when Yachi approached them with a plate of food, changing the subject instead. The [h/c] haired, however, looked disappointed the whole time.

There were occasions in which she wasn’t able to share as much time as she liked with her closest friends. However, it didn’t mattered how busy both were, when night came she always had a chance to talk to Sugawara. Their rooms were close after all.

They usually shared their thoughts of the day and talked about the plans to come, but this time was different, probably because the vice-captain noticed something was wrong with the girl.

“Are you ok, [Name]-chan?” He sounded concerned.

“Yeah, why.” It didn’t sound like a question, but the silver-haired answered anyway.

“I don’t know, you look… kinda off.” Koushi looked intently at her. “LIke there’s something bothering you.”

“I...just... “ [Last] realized talking about the brunet with one his best friends wasn’t correct, so she just swallowed the lump on her throat and finished. “I feel tired y’know. It’s been a long day.”

“Yeah… today was hard. My back is killing me.”

“Como early tomorrow, you could use some massages.”

“To think that you, out of everyone, would massage my back, I can’t believe it.” He joked, earning a soft punch on his side. “You’ve gotten used to getting up at sunrise, huh?”

“What can I say, it’s hard to keep sleeping when Kuroo keeps bothering me.” [Name] shrugged, making the soldier laugh.

They went to their rooms not much longer after that, and she changed onto her pajamas ―she had her own clothes now, who could’ve said it! She laid on the bed and looked up to the ceiling, thinking. Maybe it was a mistake to stop HInata from calling him. She wanted him to look at her so bad… at the beginning it was just because of admiration, but now she felt as if she could die from loneliness. The only reason why she joined didn’t pay attention at her. Not a bit. The female wanted Sawamura to ask her about her adaptation to the deployment, to talk to her about anything ―because only hearing his voice would be enough―, to turn around when she was present. But he never did. And it was killing her.  
That night she dreamt he visited her on the infirmary; he was injured.

 

She was informed there was a mission that same day. Kuroo, the designated leader for the section of the base where her room was, woke her up unusually early, at 3 o’clock. It was normal for her to take a little, since she took her time to get refreshed and brush her hair; and Tetsurou was usually patient with it. However, he seemed oddly eager for everyone to come out their dorms. She only groaned, and then the knocking stopped.

But silence only lasted a few seconds, since someone knocked again, softer this time.

“[Name]-chan? You should get out if you don’t want to get… a sanction.” Just when the silver-haired was finishing his warning, the door opened, revealing the female wearing a not-so-friendly expression.

“Sanction? Why?” Her voice was still hoarse, and Suga made his best not to laugh.

“We’ve talked about this. Don’t question orders from your superiors.” She huffed, and his gaze softened. “We’re going now, we need you and Kunimi totally prepared for our arrival in the net hours.”

“Going? Where?” Surprise was visible on her eyes, but the male pursed his liṕs and refused to answer. “S-sorry, I just… I don’t understand.”

“A mission. To the south―” He began after sighing, he couldn’t fight against her regretful face. However, he was cut off by other captain  
.  
“We’re gonna clean some lands, hey hey hey!” Bokuto barged into the conversation and never stopped to hear the answer, going straight to the nearest exit.

Koushi looked at his superior with disappointment, and then patted the girl’s head before going as well. [Name] noticed, upon seeing his back, that he was wearing the same uniform he did when they first met: a bulletproof vest, heavy pants, gloves, and a thick undershirt. It was weird, a first. During the few months she spent on the base no one seemed to be dressed that way. Her head hanging low, she began to follow the same round she did everyday, this time trying to focus on everyone’s faces, ready to know if there was some of them missing when they came back.

Akira greeted her with his usual bored tone, but was busy organizing tools and medicines. He gave her instructions, about which antiseptics to have ready and the tools. He also asked her to bring pallets from the nearest store. She had never been there before, but knew how to get to the room. The storage was gigantic, but she did her best to complete her job.

The first two hours after their departure was horrendously tiring. They kept arranging things, and the quantity of medicine she was seeing only helped her uneasiness. Nevertheless, her partner noticed this, and was caring enough to ask her what was wrong, without stopping his task.

“I’m just… scared? I feel kinda uneasy. ”

“Well, I think it’s common since this is the first time you actually see them going to a mission.” He explained, taking a seat on a pallet. “With time, you get used to it. Besides, we’re in need of money, it’s been almost four months since the last one.”

[Last] looked down, remembering she was a part of that last mission. And wondered how much trouble her selfishness had caused to her hero.

“LIsten. People around the world die every day, yes? They ―we― also have to die at some point. Don’t sweat it, it will only dull your reason.”

The [h/c] haired remained silent and chewed her lip, understanding Kunimi’s argument. She looked up at him, her lips pursed on a thin line, and asked what else had to be done. Looking around for a moment the male suggested her to go find more antiseptics, in case they needed more. And after an energetic nod, she left. He sighed heavily after her steps weren’t audible anymore and rested his chin on his palm, on deep thought. When she gave him that look he kind of understood why Daichi accepted her.

An hour turned into two.

Two hours turned into six.

Four hours turned into twelve.

They were both silent, and Akira had to remind her that they weren’t alone on the headquarters, because part of the INtelligence department was remotely monitoring the situation from there. He was reading a mystery book ―besides fighting that was the only thing that could be done on the building, really― while she advanced on some manual about advanced surgery. It was endearing how much she exerted herself in order to learn everything needed about medicine.

Silence wasn’t a synonym of peacefulness, not on that context, both were incredibly anxious even when they tried their best to remain calm. The boy did his best not to tap his finger against the cover of the book out of impatiency and the same went to the female, who occasionally moved her feet frantically without realizing.

Twelve hours. Half a day.

“I’m terrified.” She mumbled. She wasn’t asking for solace nor for an answer to her fear, but he couldn’t help but reply anyway.

“Don’t be.” He didn’t want to talk more than that, but realized it was a bit cruel to end it like that. “This is what we do. Get paid by wealthy people to do their dirty jobs. We are prepared for this.”

“It’s horrible.” He shrugged at her words.

“It is what it is.”  
After that quietness invaded the room once again. She looked at the clock, time kept going, the hands kept moving, and the hollow feeling on her chest only grew more with each minute. Her eyes roamed the words, but nothing stayed on her mind for more than ten seconds and she forgot everything she had read on that long lapse of time. They even tried to eat, but she was unable.  
“Don’t cry.”  
[E/c] orbs looked up; he wasn’t even glancing at her.  
“Regardless of what happens, don’t cry. Please.” He added the last word after a short period of time, showing his hesitation. She was confused, and her expression showed it. He rolled his eyes in what seemed annoyance. “I don’t want to see you cry.”

As if that phrase was self explanatory, [Name] lowered her head and breathed deeply, trying to wash away her urge to cry right there out of frustration. She had to get herself occupied with something, so she stood up, exited the room, and came back after a while, carrying a book filled with guns models. It was something new, something she was interested in, she thought it would work.  
It did.

After another hour, Kunimi got a message from one of his superiors, they were coming back. After hearing the whole thing, the boy stood up hurriedly and took a pallet with each hand. [Last] observed him, astonished by his sudden demeanor.

“Their work is done. Help me to get as many stretchers as we can to the southern entrance, I’ll explain on the way there.”

His tone wasn’t friendly nor calm as it usually was, so she grew eager to know what was going on. However, she remembered all the rules Sugawara taught her about the military and sighed. Don’t question. She did as told and began following her partner.

Apparently, their enemies had been waiting for them, resulting on a whole squad being ambushed. He explained that the number of casualties was still unknown, but he preferred not to share his thoughts on the matter. They ran and talked simultaneously, and sooner before later, [Name] began feeling tired. The long path was repeated almost four times by them, and it was almost two kilometers long; for a girl that did zero physical training in over two years was deadly.

“If you’re feeling tired you can go slower but don’t stop.”

It was surprising how such a young man could speak with such maturity and authority. Once more, she obeyed, but did her very best to maintain her pace.

They didn’t get to move all the pallets, since they also had to bring various medications and tools in order to treat the soldiers as fast as possible. It was a surprise for her when the metal doors suddenly opened to let the humvees in. The place was enormous, still it lacked space when everyone started getting out of the vehicles, yelling and giving orders. [Name] already knew who the leaders were, but she realized their position was noticeable just by seeing then talk when in duty.

SInce she hadn’t experienced a war before, seeing that amount of blood was new for her. The pictures on manuals were shocking, but the situation she was in was beyond everything found on a book. Her body moved by itself, rapidly selecting the most serious injures and doing all on her might to treat it. Injecting analgesics, disinfecting deep injuries and then sewing them up. Her breath was laboured and her hands moves as fast as she could but the agonizing groans wouldn’t cease. By a moment, a really brief period of time, she wondered how Kunimi managed to do that by himself before she entered the deployment.

“[Last]!” A well-known masculine voice called, and the girl moved like a lightning. 

She found Yahaba lying on the floor, his left forearm opened as if it was a flower on full bloom, various bones visible and a pool of blood surrounding him. She almost throws up.

“[Last], help me, we’re going to amputate.” Akira’s voice was still recognizable in the chaos.

“Am… ampu…” Her gaze changed from his serious face to Shigeru’s arm and then his face again.

“He’s gonna die if we don’t. Do as I say.”

He seemed so calm, and yet his hands were slightly trembling.

She didn’t know how to amputate a limb.

Luckily, the dark haired gave her all the instructions, and even OIkawa helped with getting the boy still. He was unexpectedly strong and fought every time he felt someone touching him.

The tourniquet was done and blood almost stopped flowing. Sweat streaming down her forehead at the effort and tension of the situation. She wanted to die. She wanted to go back to bleeding noses and cuts on cheekbones. But she asked for this, begged, in front of Daichi.

_Daichi._

For a moment, her mind was blank, and [Last] looked around frantically, ignoring Shigeru’s cries of pain. She looked the brown, spiky hair; she looked for that broad back she observed so many times, and started losing her composure upon not finding it.

“[Last]! Tranquilizer!”

[Last] snapped back to reality and, as if she had been paying attention the whole time, took a syringe from her belt and injected the content.

She heard Oikawa muttering encouraging words to the boy’s ear, and noticed the boy’s clenched jaw, and the wet trails on the majority of his face. With the boy finally sedated, the process of amputation could be finally done. Most of the time, however, the girl refused to look, her whole body quivering at the sight.

A few minutes passed, she dried off the sweat on both hers and her partner’s forehead, and his dark eyes focused on her.

“I can finish this. Go keep helping.”

She nodded, following the instructions with discipline.

There wasn’t much serious injuries, the most fatal ones had already been treated: they were part of the ambushed squad. She observed how the soldiers helped each other out, applying bandages or cleaning the wounds. A strong grip immobilized her, and she could only identify the owner of that hand when he was already dragging her to another corner of the room. Suga didn’t talked, at all. And just when he let her go she discovered that words weren’t necessary, since she wouldn’t had understood.

Sitting on a stretcher, firmly holding his abdomen, a bandage covering half of his head, was the man she had been looking for.

[Name] froze. He was finally in front of her, but there was nothing that came out from her mouth. She chewed her lip and looked at his hand instead; blood was oozing from the wound on his side. The girl hesitated before touching him, it felt like he could break at any time; but when her fingers finally traced the outline of his knuckles she took a chance.

Carefully removing his hand from the injured area, she took a look at what was underneath. She paled upon seeing it. Various little holes on his right side, with a bigger one on top of them. Her expression must’ve been grim, because she heard Koushi speaking behind her. However, she only clearly heard a few words: explosion, nearby, shards, face. If he had shards of glass inside his body, she had to remove them before sewing the biggest opening. Taking a pair of forceps, the girl started to take out the pieces of glass cautiously, trying not to cause him any pain. She let the bloodied crystals on a napkin and took her almost ten minutes to get rid of every single one. After that she took a thread and a needle and began her work.

She couldn’t believe she was actually helping Sawamura Daichi, the one that saved her. After finishing, she let out a long sigh and stood up to his face level.

He was looking at her.

He was staring so intently at her eyes that for a moment she thought he would jump and attack her. But she wasn’t afraid. She couldn’t even if she tried.

“It’s good to see you so dedicated. A couple of months ago you couldn’t have been on this situation.” His silken voice was heavenly, and she felt like fainting. After many months, she was finally talking to him ―she wasn’t talking, though. She deflated and directed her eyes to the bandage on his head. Seriously now, she had to entertain her brain with something or else she would suffer internal damage.  
After undoing it, she realized the bloody spot on the back of his head. Making him turn around without even pronouncing a word, the female began to inspect the wound.

Luckily, it was only superficial. Smiling happily she grabbed some cotton and dampened it on alcohol. Sawamura hissed at the contact, but didn’t move until she was finished, only to accommodate himself.  
[Name] realized there wasn’t anymore screams, only the sound of hundreds of mixed voices. She thought of HInata, Kageyama, and Yahaba; wondering if they were alright. But she couldn’t focus on that more than a few seconds, before she realized that the man in front of her could’ve died on the battlefield. A sudden wave of horror and relief washed her being, and without even stopping to think what she was doing, [Name] placed her head on his shoulder blade.

The brunet stiffened and looked back by the corner of his eye.

“Hey... “ He mumbled on a soothing voice. “Don’t cry.”

But she couldn’t help it. The [h/c] couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. She couldn’t stop thinking about his words, meaning that he had been, in fact, watching over her on those months. The mere thought of losing this man caused her a huge grief. It only lasted a little while, before she sniffed and opened her mouth.

“I was… so worried...” Her voice cracked, but Daichi was able to understand every word.

She fought the urge to hug him. He fought the urge to hold her.

. . .

 

The days after they sent Yahaba with his family after he lost his arm Daichi was seriously bordering depression. He knew that behaving that way was inconceivable, him being a captain. He couldn’t let himself affected by every loss. But he couldn’t even face OIkawa nor Bokuto without feeling a stab in the gut. It was partially his fault, even when his comrades said otherwise. He should’ve checked the difficulty of the mission before and should’ve discussed it with the others, but no. He acted by himself and caused two deaths on Koutarou’s group and the Shigeru incident on Tooru’s. He was destroyed.  
Even so she remained there.

[Name] was silent the whole time, their eyes not meeting. She was just making him company, something he seriously needed in spite of not feeling alone. It was odd how she knew that something was off and decided to stay by his side. Those last days she had seemed to grow confident around him and approached him more than before. She followed him to his room. But how could he refuse?

Suddenly, breaking his train of thought, her hands cupped his face tenderly and placed his head on her shoulder, almost the same she did with him that time. He was petrified at this act, so he didn’t pull away when she let him go. From the corner of his eye he noticed that she wasn’t looking at him, [e/c] hues fixed on the wall, giving him a freedom he hasn’t had on w long while.

Feeling completely relieved at this, he began to cry.

SInce that day his relationship with [Last] only improved.

They were seen together frequently and it didn’t went unnoticed how much they enjoyed the other’s company. Of course the other leaders had to make a fuss about it and tease Sawamura every single time they touched the subject. It wouldn’t be a normal conversation without those three barging on his private life.

“Oh, oh, oh!” Bokuto interrupted, drying his hair with a towel. “And remember his face every time he looked at her? Which was, like, all the time? Haha! Your expression was flawless!”

“Yeah, Sawamura. If you’re calling dibs on a girl at least do it publicly, we’re having a hard time here making fun of you.” Kuroo snickered.

“I’m not listening to you, guys.” Daichi finished putting on his underwear.

“I bet it was love at first sight.”

“Of course it was!” Now it was Oikawa’s turn, who was still searching his clothes. “I’m sure [Name]-chan fell automatically in love with her saviour, same goes to Sawamura-kun who fell for that strong character…”

“Hey hey hey! That’s probably true!” The white haired smirked. “Oi, Sawamura, really. I’m curious, why did you let her join?”

“Maybe because she was screaming too much?”

“It was obviously pity. Right, Sawamura-ku―?”

“Ah. He’s gone.”

He seriously disliked when they started asking about that. In all honesty, they weren’t the first to question his decision. He wasn’t that strict when new trainees wanted to join the deployment. It was true that they still had to wait various months to accept new recruits. What was he supposed to say? That he felt intimidated by the power on her eyes? That he thought someone that decided would do a good ally? Those were stupid. Truth had always been stupid.

They spent as much time together as possible. He liked knowing more about her, he only knew the basics thanks to what Shimizu and Suga had told him. Sometimes, he even preferred her rather being with Kiyoko than him, so he’d after ask for information to the bespectacled woman.

Sometimes he couldn’t help but get slightly jealous at the relationship between [Last] and Hinata. They also spent much time together, he visited her on the infirmary almost everyday and they had lunch and dinner together. One day, he gathered enough courage and asked.

“Hinata and me? Well, he’s like my younger brother!”

He felt a heavy weight lifted from his shoulders.

 

He had never said ‘no’ to her. As weird as it sounded, it couldn’t be done. Every single time he was about to throw a negative, he fell onto those [e/c] pools that hypnotized him and lost his whole will. So when she finally heard that terrible word her eyes darkened, full with frustration and disappointment. His brows were furrowed in anger. Was that a joke? It had to be. He wanted to think that, because considering the fact that idea was running wild on her brain made him shiver.

“No way.” No _fucking_ way.

“B―” [Last] was about to reply, but luckily remembered he was his superior.

“Stop saying nonsense and return to your section.” He ordered dryly, and almost breaks when he saw her pained expression. After a weak nod, she left him.

Alone, on the hallway. His hands fisted, his jaw clenched.

Just thinking about that made Sawamura anxious. Something like that was obviously impossible for her, she lacked physical strength and mental preparation. She spent the whole time ―that wasn’t true, actually, he knew― on the infirmary, she knew nothing about guns nor vehicles, she was completely unprepared, like… a baby or something.

Shaking his head in annoyance, the brunette walked to his room taking long strides, his mind telling him it was better to forget about the matter and continue his pacific relationship with the female. It was impossible, though. He kept thinking about her question and remembering her expression. LIke everything else, he wanted to agree…

...but there was absolutely zero possibilities of him letting her join the squad.

Therefore, as much as he hated it, he began to grow apart from [Name]. They barely talked when they ran into each other, which wasn’t that frequent. It was a proof of his willpower, a test. Daichi decided it was the best for both, she needed to understand the weight of his command. Yet, it was unbearable for him not to steal at least a few glances at her. He had to know if her mood was affecting her work as a nurse. It was needed. _Yeah_.

A few weeks happened like this, and of course those three asked him about the matter, which he refused to talk about. However, they had some kind of mysterious power that allowed them to get every piece of information they desired, so it didn’t took much time for the other captains to know what was going on.

“Psst, Sawamura. A lovers’ quarrel isn’t that uncommon, even in the army.” Kuroo mumbled after lights were gone.

“Yeah, you should give her a chance, man!” Bokuto followed, raising his tone of voice.

“I asked [Name]-chan why she wanted to do it.” Oikawa added. “She said she wanted to be by his side and help him at any cost! Isn’t that endearing? I’m so jealous!”

“Woooah, really? She’s so devoted to you, Sawamura. I think I’m getting jealous too.”

A loud snore.

“Guys, I think he’s asleep.” The dark-haired mocked.

“Bro, he’s totally lying.”

“He sure is.”

“Whatever, just… let him sleep.” Tetsurou ended it, and Daichi never felt so grateful.

He wanted to get rid of those emotions as fast as possible.

 

It seemed like no one comprehended his course of action. Even his subordinates had the courage to ask the reason why he denied [Last]’s request. Was it so hard to understand? She wasn’t made for the battlefield, she wasn’t made for the military either; however, due to her strong will, she managed to earn a place there. That didn’t meant she was going to remain that lucky, though. He was a captain, he didn’t had the obligation to answer unnecessary questions, so he ignored them.

Daichi acted as if everything was normal, except he didn’t talk to [Name] anymore, he only watched her from afar.

He had caught her staring at him that day. He only glanced like he would normally do, and almond met [e/c]. It was awkward, both looked away instantly, but he felt the urge to flee the dining room, embarrassed and bothered. The shame was because of being caught, of the mere thought of the girl realizing he had been staring at her; and he felt bothered because it didn’t mattered how much time passed, that blinding spark behind her eyes never died.

A hand touched his shoulder, making him turn around in surprise.

“Sorry to bother you, Daichi. Um… could we talk?” SUga’s voice was as gentle as always, and he found peace on his tone.

“Sure.”

Sawamura knew, he already knew what they were going to talk about, but he accepted anyway. He wasn’t sure why, he just knew it was something really stupid, and that he would probably regret it later. But for the time being, he decided to let his friend console him a bit.

“Listen, I… have been talking to [Name]-chan…” He carefully choose his words, and his superior was grateful for that. “You know what she wants. I also know you’re worried about her, you’re trying to protect what’s important to you, I get it, but…”

He hesitated, making the dark haired a bit nervous.

“She has talked with Shimizu and everyone since to encourage her, she… she only wants to train with us.” Knowing him for a long time, it was weird to have Koushi talking to him like this. He usually knew exactly what he wanted to say and do, but this time he actually had to carefully think about it.  
Daichi let his words sink in, and looked away with a grimace.

“I can’t forbid someone to train.” He admitted after a quiet sigh. “However, my answer is absolute. Soe won’t be joining the deployment under any circumstances.”

Sugawara’s face lit up, he looked incredibly satisfied.

“That’s good!” He dedicated his friend a toothy grin and patted his shoulder rather violently, making him groan in pain. Then he excused himself and went; he was probably going to communicate the notice to the girl.

She wouldn’t last long under such complicated and tough training, she’d quit soon; that thought relieved him.

He should’ve known he was taking her for granted.

 

It wasn’t after a few days that he actually saw her.  
The young woman wasn’t doing anything complicated, just running on a room of the western wing, it was the biggest training room, and the silver haired was supervising her. He heard ‘you can stop if you’re tired’ and ‘you’re doing good’, and many other encouraging words. He inhaled sharply and left, her exhausted figure running gave him hope. Maybe she would give up.

Daichi tried to ignore the hurried sound of her steps every time he went to the western area looking for his right hand, who had been skipping practise in order to help her improve. When he peeked inside that time, he felt every ounce of hope leave his body. He wasn’t sure if a week passed, perhaps two, but there she was, [h/c] tresses tied up on a ponytail, hands perfectly accommodated and her pace constant, yet rapid. Not only Suga was there this time, SHimizu was accompanying them. He cleared her throat and the three turned on his direction.

“Sorry to intrude, but if someone is missing training I shouldn’t be looking for him.” The male opened his eyes in surprise and smiles sheepishly, he understood. And without saying anything, he left the girls alone.

The brunette stood there, however, watching the girl one more time. She had a thin layer of sweat on her forehead, and he actually noticed the wet trails that followed the line of her neck. He saluted KIyoko and did the same as his comrade. The image of her body and the sound of her ragged breathing not leaving him alone until he reached the other side of the headquarters.

 

The reason why they trained everyday was in order to keep in shape and get used to the constant movement of the body. That was what made him scared about [Last]’s regimen.

When he got to the table, a plate on his right hand and a glass on the other, he appreciated that everyone stopped talking about her. It was like a celebrity: the stray girl who begged to stay as a nurse was now training to be a soldier. Bullshit.

“Good evening, Daichi-san.” Tanaka nervously greeted him, fearing he would have heard what he said earlier. The leader did, but didn’t mention it.

“Good evening, everyone. You prepared for the next mission?” His baritone voice helped him hide his worries.

“Sure thing I am!” Hinata’s voice chirped in. “I’ve been getting better at aiming to targets in movement!”  
“That’s it, Shoyo! Feel proud of your advances!” Nishinoya added.

“He should have known how to do so since the beginning, though.” The blonde male snickered, making him blush.

“He’s right about that.” The only time when Kageyama and Tsukishima agreed on something was when talking about HInata. However, Tobio seemed not to happy to admit it. “You should stop focusing on unnecessary things and work out your potential. You have me to bring down any annoying targets.”  
“B-but that’s because you’re a sniper! And Tsukishima shouldn’t be talking! He’s on the Intelligence department, he barely knows how to shoot a rifle!”

Eating with everyone was always so lively. Daichi wished the conversation could distract him from glancing at the other side of the dining room where she was animatedly talking to Yachi and Kiyoko.  
He felt a presence by his side, and wasn’t surprised upon seeing Sugawara appear. He was wearing a goofy grin, the one that gave him away every time he planned something. Daichi raised an eyebrow in doubt and the silver-haired just shrugged. The brunette heard some muffled laughs in the distance.  
“It’s here.”

One month had passed since the last time they had a conversation. Both were standing _supposedly_ alone ―because Sawamura could hear whispers from outside the room― and neither of them was looking at the other. The situation was so awkward, he wanted to say something, anything, but he had no idea what. Swallowing hard, the male ruffled his hand inside his pocket and took out a chain.

She was surprised and looked up after hearing the metallic sound. [E/c] started shining on her eyes and he had to remember the reason he got angry at her on the first place. She was excited, it was noticeable. Still not meeting her eyes, he coughed a little to clear his throat.

“Since you’re a part of this deployment, you’re obliged to use this.” He held it tightly, and he heard a faint gasp.

A dog tag.

Her smile was so big that her cheeks began turning red from the effort made. Expectantly waiting for him to continue, she remained in silence.

“This is the proof you belong here, with us…” He didn’t trail off on purpose, but he couldn’t help it. After some hesitation, her orbs met his.

“Thank you, Dai― I-I mean, sir.” [Last] tried to sound as professional as she could, and it hurt him so much. It was the first time she didn’t call him by his name. “Can I put it on?”

Her hands open, waiting for the silver tag to fall. They were almost shaking, and Daichi found this funny, and somehow adorable. Sighing heavily, he placed his eyes on hers.

“I think it’d be better if I do it.”

Even sounding as an opinion, it was clearly an order. She understood his intentions immediately, and turned around, her back facing him. Carefully, she moved her hair to help him get a better view. His hands circled her neck, she exhaled, full of glee. The captain observed the back of her neck, and wondered why he usually got that angle. When she was kneeling on the floor to be accepted, he saw her nape; when she was reading medicine books to be as informed as she said she was, he looked at her nape; when she rested her head on his shoulder and cried out of the relief, he saw her nape. When she ran every morning and did different exercises with Suga and some fellow soldiers, he…

...he felt invisible every single time.

After he finished, she looked around with a smile, happily reading her own name engraved on the metallic surface. [Name] looked genuinely joyful and Daichi cracked a smile at this.

“You know… sir.” Her voice took him by surprise, so did the lack of his name. “The day you saved me, I really thought I would die.” Her eyes traveled around the room, but she fixated them on his from time to time. “But when I was right about to do it, you appeared. I… I think I died that day. The old me, I mean.”  
The man followed her words thoroughly, trying not to miss a single syllable.

“And I think, this new life you gave me, along with everyone, is one I want to dedicate to you.” Her words were so sincere, her expression flaming up. “I want to be by your side and be able to protect you, like you did with me. I know I’m not suitable for being a soldier, but I will be! I’ll be and I’ll be beside you on the battlefield, ready to serve you! So, please... ”

“Enough.” He cut her off, his fists shaking. When did he start shaking? “You’ll always be you, [Name]. Your life belongs to you, only.” He noticed he was sounding too severe, so he opted for a quieter tone. “I don’t need your protection. I just… need… you. Like, uh, the you that is in front of me, and… uh...” He realized what he was saying after the words left his mouth. Daichi was nervous, and the faint blush on his face proved it. “Y-you’re dismissed.”

She giggled at his behaviour. He surely didn’t look at a high range soldier at the moment.

“For formally accepting me as a member of the army, I’m very grateful, sir... Daichi-san, sir.” Her lips curved upwards again, slightly, and then left.

Sawamura Daichi was a natural leader. He thought of his squad, and the deployment in general, as a whole. They all lived and fought for each other. The common good was more important than the individuals themselves. However, he began wondering for the first time if the desire to devote your life to someone was actually that bad.

That conversation proved that their relationship wasn’t ruined in the least. However, the female continued working out, and after a few more weeks, she started learning movements of hand-to-hand combat from the absolute masters: Bokuto and Kuroo. It was irksome for Sawamura to see his comrades helping her to fulfill a dream he was completely against. But as he said, he couldn’t stop anyone from training, not even her. Sometimes, he took a few minutes to observe her improvement, others he witnessed her failing and got convinced ―he already was, but that fact supported his thoughts― that she wasn’t really made for battle.

 

He got shot.

Red stained his clothes and run down his body. He looked around frantically, trying to find the direction where the bullet came from. When he found it, he alerted Kuroo via radio.

The Command Team was known for being one of the most balanced, so it was understandable for the attacker to be hiding. He received a report from his partner saying that the area he marked was clear.  
Daichi couldn’t understand what was going on―

 _“Wait, I saw something… OH SHIT.”_ He heard his comrade yell on the other end of the line and grimaced a bit at the loud noise. _“Oho ho ho, dude. You gotta see this.”_

Groaning, said male got up from the floor and began to walk to that direction. There was only a few minutes left, and he could hear Bokuto and HInata yelling in the distance.

“What is it, Kuroo?” He asked, scratching his neck after walking almost a hundred meters.  
He didn’t need a reply.

“...what are you doing here?” His eyes wide open and his tone unfriendly.

Koushi claimed to be the responsible and explained everything as soon as a signal marked the time for the game was up. Apparently, [Name] had been practising a lot with guns ―he wasn't informed, and that made him slightly angry― and so Suga suggested for her to play the Survival Game. No one else was informed about her participation except himself and Kenma, who slipped away from practise and was probably playing video games on his room. The silver haired explained her daily regimen and her shooting accuracy in order to explain the reason behind his actions. He apologized to both leaders with a bow, gesture that the female copied.

Daichi wasn’t angry, but frustrated. He asked Kuroo exactly how he got shot, observing the numerous red dots on his uniform.

“Well, since it was supposed to be a team conformed by snipers, I chased Sugawara while I made sure to be well covered.” He explained with a smug smirk. “However Nurse-chan appeared out of the blue and… shot the shit outta me.”

When did she become strong enough to carry a rifle? How did she learn to fire? Did she know how to use anymore guns? Daichi was completely left out of her improvement, he was non-existent when it came to [Last]’s training.

The girl and the dark haired captain where laughing animatedly, and only the sniper noticed something was wrong with his friend. He approached him slowly, and talked on a soft tone.

“Daichi…?”

“I’m tired, I’ll go take a shower.”

After said shower he went to sleep without dining. He was worried. She was becoming stronger every day that passed. If it was her, she could understand the functioning of a grenade. She was progressing, and that made him afraid.

 

Fortunately, the group was hired to do eight missions in the course of a year, which resulted in more money to spend on new weapons, vehicles and new technology for the Intelligence department. Over this year [Fullname] continued assisting Kunimi on the infirmary, but spent most of her time training like everyone else. She reached the point in which she could follow their routines and exercises. She was surprisingly good at hand-to-hand combat, and her accuracy was pretty good as well. The most impressive thing was, however, her reflexes. Although sometimes her body was slow, her mind was really fast and she was able to dodge surprise attacks more easily than the majority.

For everyone, she became another female soldier, but she didn’t took a part of missions.

Because yes, even after a year the captain remained inflexible about her condition.

The mercenaries finally got an easy mission, something that didn't put their lives in risk, after all the extreme ones they’d been doing. The president of certain country wanted them to do a reconnaissance of a field that was already his property. The amount of money wasn’t exaggerated, but it was good, and it seemed easy. So, immediately after accepting, captain Sawamura and the other three leaders made an strategy to address the situation, and thanks to the Intelligence department they were able to get a map of the territory.

The same day he finished planning the plan of action was the one he saw [Name] practice her shooting for the first time.

Most of her shots were on the chest and she was really skilled with pistols. He heard everyone complimenting her, he saw her and Hinata competing, and he felt completely invisible. Devoting her life to him? They hadn’t had a decent talk for almost twelve months. He missed her company, he wanted to hear her open up to him, he desired to share even more things. But it seemed like she already found something to replace the void he left, in case he had left any ―he was just being autodestructive, he knew she missed him as well. But maybe it was for the best, their relationship could not work at all. Someone as strict as him with someone free like her would only result in chaos. It was funny, he never thought of her in that way, and now they were separated it felt like they had always been involved. A weird feeling appeared on his gut, he brushed it off.

That same day his friend confronted him again, about the same matter as before. Sometimes it felt like Sugawara was the only connection between them. THe brunette’s answer remained the same.

“Please, think about it…”

“There’s nothing to think, Suga. It’s prohibited.” He replied.

“Daichi. Consider it.”

It was weird. When Koushi gave commands, that is. Sawamura felt out of place and forgot for a second that he was his superior, as well as friend. He didn’t respond, but he ordered. As soon as he was left alone he began to think about his words and her abilities and advances.

_“She has improved this much just because she asked everyone for help. We didn’t start teaching her because we wanted to, she asked. It’s an easy mission, just recon. We go, we see dust and endless field, and come back. That would be enough for her to be satisfied for a long while. I know how worried you are, but doesn’t she deserve a reward for her hard work?”_

And him? What about him? Did no one actually understood how dangerous it was? Was him the only one whose hands trembled upon thinking about a disgraceful ending? ~~He~~ They could lose her…

And yet, a part of him felt _so_ proud of her.

Sawamura was the captain, he had to make choices everyday. But that didn't made that one easier.

 

“[Name]. We need to talk.” Yes, maybe his choice of words wasn’t the best, but he was sure the serious tone on his voice and his stern expression was enough for her to understand it was something grave.

The girl was animatedly talking with Yachi and HInata, and upon hearing this sat up immediately, not even thinking it twice. She didn’t even excused herself to the pair, which they didn’t minded, hearing him talk like that was rare, and she was not only curious, but also worried.

The male led her to one the rooms the leaders used to reunite. It was big, it had various chairs around a circular table. However, both took seats beside each other.

At the beginning there was only silence, and he looked hesitant at first, as if he was convincing himself of something. After a few seconds he licked his lips and cleared her throat, and she straightened up on her seat.

“Listen, [Name]...” He stopped, probable looking for the most appropriate words. “I know you’ve been working hard… Your improving is envidiable, many of our soldiers don’t get to know as much as you until a couple of years, and…

What I’m trying to say is; we have a mission in three days, the groups are going to be small, and I thought that maybe you’d like to participate.”

He hadn’t realized she was looking at him so intently. Her eyes were shining, but not with the same vigor as when he gave her the tag. This time was different, it was only joy but also… realization.

She finally felt like all her efforts had been taken in account. [Last] knew how hard it was for him, that was the reason why she never complied, not because he was a superior, but because she would do the same thing. That was why she trained so much, to give him a bit of reassurance. On her time as a nurse she understood that there was a possibility of her losing her savior without the opportunity of doing anything to save him.

Now he was finally asking her to be a part of a mission. She gulped.

“Affirmative, sir. I accept.” Her words were so formal, but her candid tone made it feel like it was a love confession. Her hand timidly rested above his. And even though he tried hard not to do it, he couldn’t fight the impulse to squeeze it.

 

The three days passed in the blink of an eye, and Sawamura constantly got knowing smiles from his comrades, while [Name] received congratulations and pats on the back. Yes, he was still mortified, but he was a soldier and he had to deal with it and move forward. And that was the big step he had to give.  
The [h/c] haired prepared her uniform and went to sleep early the night of the third day, because emotion wouldn’t let her rest. The thought of being able to accompany Daichi made her incredibly happy, her friends noticed.

The marked day came, and as always, Kuroo started yelling and clapping to get everyone up. When he reached [Last]’s room, however, she was waiting for him outside. At first he seemed confused, but smiled after understanding.

“Hey, it’s not your birthday, you know, child?” He teased.

“Shut up, dumbass. I had a decent amount of sleep. I just decided to get ready earlier, that’s all.”

“What a responsible soldier we have here…” He ruffled her hair a bit, making her groan. It was tied up on a single braid in order to make it easier to move.

She was indicated to go to the southern ending, since they were going to depart from there. Taking a long run, the female did as ordered, and found Hinata and Ennoshita on the way there.

“Woohoo! To think that I got to be in [Name]-san’s first mission!” The orange haired chirped in glee, making her smile.

“Don’t get distracted, alright? Concentrate at all times.” Chikara advised, and she nodded.

Kageyama and the respective captain of the squad were waiting for them beside a humvee. All the vehicles left at the same time, so they had to wait a little more until every soldier came.  
Nishinoya waited for them inside, on the driver’s seat, and smiled widely at the female who got in, congratulating her once again.

Once everyone was prepared, they left.

During the route, Daichi explained the plan. Four squads were going to divide up the territory and secure it for the President’s army to pass. They already had sovereignty on that part of the county, though, but they were alerted to be careful. They opted for smaller groups, so it would be easier to move around. Snipers would be located on specific parts in order to give the squads information about the ―possible― dangers ahead.

Everyone nodded in understanding, and Sawamura looked at [Name] specifically.

She smiled at him.

All the groups descended on the same place and parted different ways from there. The snipers took their opportunity to get a high place with good visuals as the others got ready with enough ammo.

It had been awhile since they started walking. Once every five minutes the captain sent a report to the base so they could update the situation of the mission; apparently, all squads were doing the same.  
On this field, Daichi couldn’t be worried about [Name], so he did her best to distract his mind from thinking about her. It helped, kind of, because he was too attentive to the surroundings. It was an old village that didn’t had enough buildings to be considered a little city. They silently moved using the streets.

“Daichi-san.” A voice alerted him from the radio. “I saw something moving a thousand meters away from you, at 4 o’clock.”

The brunette looked on that direction, but didn’t see anything. If it weren’t Kageyama, he’d have thought it was a mistake, but since it was hardly believable for the boy to be wrong, he signaled the others to stay behind him as he advanced with slow steps, his finger on the trigger.

A metallic sound echoed on his mind, and it took him literally a second to look down and see it. Before he could scream, the girl did it, and jumped away taking Hinata with her.

“Grenade!”

Luckily, it wasn’t a normal grenade, but a smoke one. The four members coughed and hid themselves, and short after the shooting began. The whistle of bullets was so familiar, and yet he felt so nervous. He couldn’t know where she was, if she was still ok, anything.

“Kageyama. Report.” He commanded.

“ I can’t see much from here until the smoke disappears. But I can tell there are, at least, seven individuals attacking. I'll do my best.”

“We’re counting on you. Over.”

Daichi took his rifle and began firing against the shadows he managed to see. He heard a loud groan coming from the other side of the fog and smirked, understand he probably hit someone.

After a little while the field became visible, so did the enemy targets. He looked to the side, only to see Chikara firing from behind a wall, and HInata and [Name] using a house as refuge, as they shot from the windows. He sighed in relief upon seeing the girl, and focused on bringing down the foes.  
Tobio was doing a brilliant work, almost all of his bullets ending up being headshots. Sawamura had to reward the boy, surely. [Last] was also doing an excellent job, proving to be quite good at shooting targets in movement. At the beginning there were ten people, then seven, then down to three, and finally, none. It took a while, yes, but that was mostly because two of the five people on the squad were still rookies. The leader congratulated them all before coming out from his hiding place, the rest following him. His eyes met [Name]’s, and he noticed she looked unusually pleased. Even when the situation had been dangerous, he was happy he saw her in action. She was truly amazing, just as his comrades said.

 

It was supposed to be a recon mission, the territory was supposed to be already safe, but when the grenade hit the floor she understood that everything could happen during a mission on the military. She grabbed Shoyo by the collar and they hid on a house that had the door opened. Then positioned themselves to fire, with the help of a near window. The feeling of bullets grazing against her skin and hair felt so foreign, yet gave her a feeling of familiarity. She recalled the time she spent alone on that dirty room, a long, long time ago; her heart pounded, blood flowing rapidly on her veins. Although she was at the verge of dying, she felt so _alive._

As the smoke began to dissipate she spotted Daichi hiding behind a wall, as Ennoshita was doing on the opposite side.

“Shoyo-kun, let’s play a game and see who kills more of these fuckers.” The [h/c] haired said as she looked for another charger on her belt.

“Y-you said a bad word! I thought girls didn’t say bad words!” His eyes looked at her in amazement, but smiled right away. “But I’ll accept your challenge anyway, [Name]-san.”

There were only ten subjects. She took care of three while her partner was only able to kill one, hence the reason behind her glee. After the shootout ended, they came out from their hideout and met the other two. [E/c] met brown, and she blushed upon seeing Daichi smiling at her. Her breath was ragged, and her arms a bit sore from the recoil of the gun, but she felt accomplished.

“Well, Shoyo-kun, it seems you lost. I’ll think about a punishment later.” The girl joked, making the boy pout.

“It wasn’t fair, you had a better visual of the field!” He protested.

“Too bad.” She sang in response, and the older ones looked at them in relief, because both were fine.  
They began to move again just when Tobio confirmed the state of the way ahead. One step, two steps, then three. They were getting closer to the corpses, and something caught [Last]’s attention. All of the cadavers were holding their guns, but there was one that held the rifle in a really weird position, as if it were aiming. Right at them…

A gunshot. A moan.

The three soldiers looked forward, witnessing how one of the enemies died from blood loss, thanks to a shot on his throat. The girl stood still, heat emanating from the recently used barrel. Chikara whistled, and HInata cheered.

“Woah, [Name]-san that was amazing. You even moved to be right in front of him”

“...[Name]?” Daichi asked, noticing how she didn’t move a muscle. Her back was facing him, so he couldn’t see her face.

His hand reached out her shoulder, and she looked around.

The moment he saw it, she fell.

Sawamura caught her before she could touch the floor and the other two hurriedly ran at them. A tiny hole was visible on her shirt, at the height of her neck. Half lidded [e/c] eyes moved from face to face, only to rest on her beloved one’s. The brunette instantly asked for backup, and held her body close to his.

“[Name] listen to me what happened. What happened.” HIs voice was too loud, and he stuttered a few words, he was clearly nervous, and she smiled weakly at this fact.

“I saw him move and I just... “ She looked at the corpse. “My body moved on its own.”

“You could’ve hit him from where you were!” He was hysterical, his hands and whole being shaking.

“But he would’ve shot _you._ ”

He paled.

This wasn’t supposed to be like this, it wasn't supposed to be like this even on his nightmares. He wouldn’t accept it, no. He wouldn’t accept it. His breath hitched and he looked behind, where a vehicle arrived, and Sugawara got out and run at him in worry.

“We have to take her to the base.” His tone was composed, but the silver haired was notably terrified. His arms enveloped her form and lifted her. However, Daichi refused to let go of her hand. He couldn’t. He knew. Deep inside of him he knew.

_Don’t let go.  
If you do, you won’t feel her again. Ever._

“Thank you, Daichi-san.”

_Tell her. Tell her everything. Don’t let go._

“Daichi, we need to go now or else…”

_Don’t listen. Don’t move. Don’t let go._  
_Tell her now._  
_Tell her everything._  
_Don’t let―_

But if there was a possibility of saving her life, he had to let go.

_**DON’T LET HER GO.** _

So he did.

He watched everything in slow-motion, and yet, it happened so fast: Suga and Noya getting her on the humvee, closing the door and starting the motor, taking her with them.

He could still hear the voice on his mind telling him to not let her go.

 

The mission was a success.

The way back to the headquarters felt unbearably long it only took fifteen minutes.

He was not walking fast, he was not running, he was sprinting. One foot after another he hurried to the infirmary, the place he used to visit when wanting to meet her. The door was open, as always, and his friend was inside, sitting on a chair right beside the stretcher. He looked up, destroyed, wet trails on his cheeks.

“She didn’t even made it here.” His voice broke midway, but Daichi understood.

He understood.

He shouldn’t have let her go.  
He approached her sleeping figure. Her expression was peaceful, and he wondered if she looked like that when she slept. He reached out to touch her hair, eyes focusing on the heavy eyelids that enclosed those beautiful [e/c] orbs. However, before doing it, he remembered his last thought.

_If you let go, you won’t feel her again._

He let go.

So he retracted his hand and limited himself to only observe.

He heard a weak apology behind him. He also knew that it wasn’t Suga’s fault. He almost convinced him, yes. But she did the most important part, with her outstanding abilities and her self-confidence. She was who convinced him to let her go to the battlefield.

He let go.

He was the culprit for actually believing it was a good idea. For considering taking her to even more missions. And, for a brief moment, regretting not doing it sooner. It was his fault. Only. And hers.

He missed her.

Daichi grabbed the tag on her chest, careful not to touch her skin, and tore the chain from her neck. Afterwards, he took off his own chain, and added her tag to it.

He wouldn’t cry.

He wouldn’t cry, because it was his fault.

He missed her.

He realized that, devoting your life to someone wasn’t bad at all, but it would make the other person sad. He discovered that too late.

He refused to let her side, he didn’t wanted to. He had to. He was the captain, Daichi Sawamura.  
His fault.

_Don’t let her go._

He did.

 

And he didn’t tell her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this hurt me in so many ways


	3. already dead | tsukishima

  
_Just a moment._

“They’re surrounding us.”

_Wait._

“Hey Tsukki, are you listening? If you are, please get the fuck out of here.” Your voice sounded serious, but he could tell you were smiling.

_No._

“I’m happy I met you, even here. I wish we could have… I don’t know, gotten married? Had kids? Haha, that sounds cheesy and kinda stupid.” The gunshots were too loud, but the blonde understood every word.

“Tsukki!” Someone harshly grabbed his shoulder. “Come on, we have to leave!”

_What kind of friend are you, Yamaguchi? I won’t leave._

“She has been training hard for all this time to save you! Don’t let her effort go to waste!” The jet haired male took his friend’s arm and started walking, dragging him as if he were a rag doll.

_I can’t leave her._

The headphones were still on, he could hear the shots and your subtle moans. You, who were distracting the enemy at the other side of their base. It was a rescue mission, the Crow Squad was there in order to save one of their best brains, the leader of the intelligence division.

He. Himself. Tsukishima Kei.

And as much as he wanted, he couldn’t say a word. He was thirsty, his knees were trembling, his body felt weak. Four months without light and barely any food made that to him. Actually he was surprised that he still recognized the other’s faces.

“Please, just a bit more, Tsukki.” He could feel the freckled boy’s nervousness and the force he was using to get him out of here. Knowing Daichi, they were outside, with a pretty well-armed convoy, waiting for him.

But what about you?

_I won’t leave her._

His legs stopped moving and he fell into the floor. Pathetic. But hey, what else could he do?

Tadashi almost falls on top of him, but managed to stay balanced. He looked around in panic, shifting his gaze from his bespectacled friend to his surroundings, and the door that lead to their presumed freedom.

“It’s so close… Fuck, come on!” Tadashi did his best to carry his comrade in bridal-style.

_What the actual fuck, Yamaguchi? Get your ass back there._

But he wouldn’t stop. His steps were slower, but he was making an advance. Neither of them were a part of the assault divisions. They weren’t that strong physically. What made them special, however, was their agile minds, just like you, out there risking your life in the fire line.

“S-she... [Name] did her best… these four months…” Yamaguchi could barely speak, every three words he needed to take a breath. “She really wanted to… save you.”

_Then go get her instead, idiot!_

The exit was near, and Tsukishima felt he was going to die. If he left that building, he was sure he’d never see you again. And he didn’t want that. The last time you talked was before the ambush, months ago. You were excited because you finally changed sections with your partner and got to be in the same division as him. He constantly turned down your advances, but always accepted your company.

He just couldn't accept he felt the same way about you.

He could picture you, mastering the rifle with Sugawara and practising hand-to-hand combat with Kuroo. Your petite form. nearly fainting, but with the will to continue. That was just how you were. Kei felt a sudden urge to smile at the idea, but he was unable too. Even the muscles of his face felt tired. He was surely at the border of death.

“Just… a bit more.” His friend was talking more to himself this time. And the sounds echoing on his mind seemed to get louder and louder.

“Hey Tsukki― um… Kei.” It was the first time you used his name. “You should be outside by now, yes? That’s good. I’m glad.”

_Don’t you fucking dare, [Name] or I swear―_

“There’s only three of us here and― I don’t think we’re going to last that long. Kageyama has done a great job supporting us from outside, please thank him later.” Your voice was trembling, he noticed. He couldn't help but to feel a little jealous of the sniper. Kageyama was able to get your back when he couldn't. How childish of him, even in a moment like this... 

Suddenly, his sight became white.

He was outside.

They made it out safely.

“I think I've made myself clear enough on these past years, but you're really dense so; I like you Tsuk― Kei. I like you.”

He saw hands all over his body, he recognized his captain's face. An unknown subject placing a bottle on his lips, forcing him to drink something. He spotted the silver hair, and his lips moving.

“Everything’s gonna be alright.”

_It isn’t._

_She’s still there, and she won’t make it alive._

None of them took off the headphones Yamaguchi gave him when he found him. Tsukishima could still hear.

“I like you Kei. I like you― Fuck! Yahaba, you ok!? Damn it!”

_Why._

“I like― no. I love you ok? I love you so damn mu―”

Your voice abruptly stopped.

He knew already, but he understood when it was too late. A suicidal mission wasn’t something new for them. Sometimes, sacrifices had to be made.

_Why did you fucking save me if...?_

The humvee started and he saw the building he spent months as a prisoner disappearing within the distance. Your voice wasn’t there anymore, and after some meters, he only heard a static sound.

_If I’m already dead._


End file.
